Needing continence support at 8 or 9 isn't a step backwards. It's just part of how some kids' bodies work. What matters is how it feels for them, and small everyday choices shape that more than you'd think.
Here are the changes families in our community say make the biggest difference.
Use grown-up words
Language sets the tone. Instead of words that belong to babies, try:
- "Pants", "briefs" or "night pants"
- "Change time" or "freshen up"
- Whatever word your child chooses
Use the same words at home, school and respite so it's consistent wherever they are.
Keep supplies with their stuff
Store products in their drawer alongside their clothes, not in a baby change bag. Out and about, use a regular backpack or toiletry bag. It's a small thing that says: this is just part of getting dressed.
Privacy, every time
- Close the door, even at home
- Change somewhere private, not on the lounge room floor
- Cover up with a towel where you can
- Keep conversations about continence between the adults who need to know
As kids get older, privacy matters more, whether or not they can tell you.
Talk them through it
Tell your child what's happening before you do it. "Time to change, I'm going to roll you to the left." If your child uses AAC or an eye gaze device, add a symbol or phrase for change time so they can be told, and tell you, when it's needed.
Let them be part of it
Independence looks different for every child. It might be:
- Choosing which product or print to use
- Holding the wipes or passing the tabs
- Rolling or lifting their hips
- Saying or signing when they need a change
Every bit of involvement is a win worth noticing.
Use age-appropriate change spaces
Baby change tables aren't built for bigger kids. At home, a height-adjustable change table or bed saves your back and their dignity. Out and about, look for Changing Places facilities, which have an adult-sized change table and a hoist.
Keep it calm
Leaks happen. A matter-of-fact response protects confidence. No big reactions, no sighs. Clean up, move on.
Bring siblings and family along
Siblings take their cues from you. A simple, honest explanation ("some bodies need extra help, and that's okay") goes a long way. The same goes for grandparents, carers and friends.
The bottom line
Dignity isn't about hiding continence needs. It's about treating them like any other part of growing up, with respect.
Want more real-life tips from families in the middle? Join the Middlemates community. [Link]
This information is general in nature and isn't a substitute for advice from your GP, continence nurse or occupational therapist. For free, confidential advice, call the National Continence Helpline on 1800 33 00 66.
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